I think I've discovered a fatal flaw in my plan for world domination/gainful employment: I'm very bad at bullshitting. Which is odd for an arts graduate, you'd have thought I'd be used to it what with all the "Oh The Wasteland? I totally read it. The messianic imagery blew my mind." (It totally did).
It would seem, however, that although I can blabber on quite eloquently about the etymological significance of... words... when it comes to things that actually matter, like job interviews, I can't do it. First they butter you up with all the offers of cups of tea - clearly they want you to burn yourself. We both know this. They just want to see how well you do in a crisis - I do not need a hot beverage to look like an incompetent fool, thankyou very much.
Then, they go in for the kill..."Where do you see yourself in five years?"
Let me tell you this, the answer "I have literally no idea" does not go down too well.
Honestly, in five years, all I know for sure is I want to be no longer living with my parents (no offence) and to be happy...but if you say that you sound like a directionless hippy (no offence to them either.) Also, when you hear the words "Five Year Plan" who do you think of IMMEDIATELY? Exactly. I do not want to be compared to Stalin by potential employers. Although it would give me the chance to whip out my stellar knowledge of Stolypin's agrarian reforms - thanks, AS History.
Having thought this through, I now have a plan for next time I get asked this question. I will climb on my chair (employers love assertiveness) get out my ukelele (they also love miniature guitars) and give 'em a startling rendition of this:
2 weeks ago